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College and Career Education

Day 6 Lecture Notes

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Tracey Kobayashi

50 Phelan Ave, NGYM
San Francisco, CA 94112
(415)452-7311
tkobayas@ccsf.edu


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Personal Statement

(aka: Admissions/Application Essay)

The college application process often has an essay portion. This essay, for most undergraduate programs, is a comprehensive personal statement. Graduate schools often ask you to answer a specific question.

Generally Speaking...

  • Write in your own voice.
  • Use words you know, but don't overuse...keep a thesaurus handy.
  • Express your ideas and convey values important to you.
  • Keep an eye on justifying your suitability for the school or program: motivation for your course of study; personal characteristics that make you a suitable candidate.
  • Discuss personal experiences leading to your decision or showing your qualities.
  • Don't rehash accomplishments and activities already highlighted in your application or resume.
  • Avoid cliches. Be direct and original.
  • Keep it personal -- avoid vagaries.
  • Be concise.
  • Use the active voice.
  • Stay focused on your central theme.

Help From Friends and Family

Have more than one person read your essay. Here's what they should focus on:

  • Essay has one central theme.
  • Introduction engages the reader. Conclusion provides closure.
  • Support details are concrete experiences.
  • Active voice is used when possible.
  • Sentence structure is varied (not all long or all short.
  • There are no cliches or slang.
  • All elements support the main theme.
  • Transitions are used appropriately.
  • All sentences are crucial to the essay.
  • All parts of the essay are clear.

They may also think about these questions...

  • What about the essay is memorable?
  • What is the worst part of the essay?
  • What does the essay reveal about me?

Brainstorming

  • Accomplishments you particularly value or are crucial when placed in the context of your life.
  • Any attribute, quality or skill that distinguishes you from everyone else. How was it developed...
  • Books, movies, art, that influenced your life in a meaningful way.
  • Difficulties? How your perspective changed as a result.
  • Challenges you overcame.
  • Moment of epiphany.
  • Most important extracurricular/community activities. How joined, what made you continue.
  • Future dreams and how the school fits in.

    Here it is, the Personal Essay I promised you. This essay relates a negative childhood experience to the writer's ultimate goal of wanting to help women. She also ties her company's ethics into the picture as well.


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    Information in this section © 2005 Tracey Kobayashi, unless otherwise noted.